Have you ever?

I was watching Ghost Whisperer and Melinda was crying AND driving because the hospital had just called to tell her that her husband, Jim, had been involved in a car accident. WELL, this particular scene got me thinking.. when was the last time I cried and drove? It's such a dangerous thing to do but it happens. When something's bothering you so much and you just can't help yourself but think of that one thing. Terrible feeling.

Anyway, I've also been thinking about stuff. OBVIOUSLY. Have you ever stopped being friends with someone? Like not just get mad at them and then make up.. no, I'm talking about cutting them off completely from your life. I'm pretty sure everyone has had their share, but I have never done that. No one has ever been that bad of a friend for me to do that, or perhaps it's because of my kind soul that refuses me to forget about anyone. But in this particular situation, I have, for the first time in my life, cut someone off from my life. I've been wrong about people before, I'll admit that, but I've never been so wrong before to drop them from my life. I forgive, I forget, but this has pushed me to the limit.

I had a friend. It hasn't even been a year yet. We met at orientation, the 2nd one, the fun one where we got to see how to GET INVOLVED. It was fun, I had a blast and I met awesome people there that are still my friends today, except for him of course. Anyway, it was a nice, we talked every now and then. He didn't hang out as much as with the rest of the group but almost every morning we'd hang out in his car and just listen to music while he told me stories about his friends and their crazy stunts. He just broke up with his girlfriend and then I got involved with a guy and we kinda stopped talking altogether. Then after my fling, we started talking again and it was real hard for me and he said he'd be there for me. He even took some time out of a concert he was at to talk to me the day me and that other guy "broke up". It was nice to know that I had such a friend. You know one that cared and was gonna be there. He was my bestie. I guess I trusted him too much.

December. I got in a car accident, mind you I was staying up because of finals, I was still crying over that guy.. it wasn't the best time in my life and now the car accident. My first car accident ever and I had no idea what to do. I knew my bestie was on campus so I called him and I told him I didn't know what to do and I was freaking out. Knowing him, I thought he'd come out to help me. That'd be the noble, friend thing to do right? So being in the pickle that I was: do you think he came out to help me? Everyone: YES. Reality: NO.
Yup, NO LIE. He did not come out and help me. He just sat in his car and just listened to his music. It was around 8pm. He didn't have class til 10am. I mean, even I made it ot my class in time. Seriously. You know, I was too afraid of what my parents would say at the time for me to be worrying over my so-called-bestie so I just brushed it aside and just thought "Maybe next time..".

Now from the story I just told, I can just imagine the type of questions and comments everyone has in their mind right now. 'What a terrible friend, why did you even call him your bestie?' 'What a dick.' 'He doesn't deserve you'. These are only few of the things people told me along the way. I don't know why I never approached him about this but I did ask him why he never came out to help me later on.

SO Christmas came around and stuff and we've been talking a lot more than usual and eventually I was attracted to him and I guess he was too? I'm not too sure anymore because he never really expressed his feelings towards me clearly. But we started seeing each other and on Jan 6th he asked me out. It was great at first. It was great again. My life was back together. I was on good terms with my parents again, I had a great boyfriend (or so I thought), and a new semester was starting, another chance for me to raise my grades. Now from here things are blurry because I saw the bf often and I guess it seemed like he was all that mattered for a while. I spoiled him rotten. I always baked for him and made him happy. The thing I eventually noticed was that he rarely did anything for me. It was all for him. I'd go out of my way to get his favorite candy bar, bake cookies and such for him, but not once did he ever do anything for me. I don't even know if driving out to my house ONCE, counts when I drove down to his house every week. It felt so one-sided and I didn't even feel like his girlfriend at all. I got depressed over that. I told him how I was feeling but I guess he couldn't change the way he was. Guess he didn't like me anymore, it was barely 3 months.

It was almost Spring Concert at school and so much was happening. I had a paper due. An old friend came back from.. being away and I met a new friend all in the same night. The following days weren't easy. The bf wasn't doing a good job at making me feel better because he couldn't handle me being "depressed" and so he just stayed away. YOU CANT RUN AWAY FROM FEELINGS, I told him, but apparently I had an unhealthy amount of bad feelings. WTF? DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! Not once did he ever do anything to make me feel better. Its okay I guess, I had my new and old friend were there to make me better. I started getting cozy with them and since the bf wasn't really happening. I had to get my emotions straightened and decided that it was time for me and him to break up. I knew it had to be done, but since I didn't know much of anything else. It was hard for me to break away.

It wasn't until recently.. LIKE A MONTH AGO? That I was able to finally drop him from my life. Being "besties" that we were, he couldn't even tell me that he was dating someone.. cuz after he told me.. THEY WERE FACEBOOK OFFICIAL. WHAT THE HELL?! Seriously.. I swear 2 days before he still called me "Babe". It's not the fact that he's dating someone. It's the fact that he didn't bother to tell me.. ANYTHING. The fact that he lead me on like that...

OH well. no one needs a friend like that.. and I don't either. Its the past. So from here.. I MOVE ON :D

Starting Over

Yet another new chapter begins. Seems like every time I've officially moved on from something that happened in my life or when something is about to happen, I suddenly remember that I have a whole 'nother life on the internet. I have my blogs that I've been neglecting for the past months, perhaps maybe even a year or so. I've forgotten my joy of blogging and reading them as well.

But now that I've moved on to the next chapter of my life, I realized that I have to be able to balance everything in my life. If I want to keep up with technology and everything else, I'd have to be able to put some time aside to be able to manage everything. I think that would be good for me, to be able to keep up with everything.. there goes my time managing skills be put to the test. I DON'T HAVE TO blog, read, or write everyday, but being consistent with a goal such as: blogging 3 times a week, reading everyday for 20 mins, writing at least every other day, would be a reasonable and manageable goal to start out with, especially with packed schedules that I have. SO YEAH. My cyberlife does not start when my life actually does. HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA pathetic actually, but hey, maybe I can blog something useful that will keep another thinking.. I mean, I know from reading other blogs, I am somewhat enriched with what they have to say and its like I'm going into their minds and seeing what they're really thinking... at least those are the kinds of blogs I like to read..

I think blogs are super close/are the purest of thoughts. Have you read a blog lately? Just read one... anything is fine and just take in everything that is being written. I'm pretty sure that I feel like I'm the only one that thinks this, but I'm really not, but I can always relate somehow to the blogger.

^^That was quite pathetic because even I expected something like a great EPIPHANY of a thought, but I think that I just lost my train of thought. It's a shame.

Being consistent is what I will be from now on.. or try to :) I'm human, one day I will be tired of this and just stop altogether, but since I've been writing since the 3rd grade and have been blogging since about jr high, I don't think I will be stopping anytime soon!