If you didn't know already.
I think I may be falling for him.
Uh oh.
I'm pretty sure he doesn't feel the same way about me though :/
It's frustrating because I can't get him outta my head.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Finals: Day 2
These are stressful times for everyone. Even for me. Look at my schedule and you may think that I've got it easy. Trust me. I'm in the same amount of pressure as you are my dears.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Finals: Day 1
Its 10 o'clock and I still havent finished my notecard for my Stats final. I just thought I'd share some thoughts before I actually cracked down to do it but looking at the time, I realize that i should start. NOW. I will share today's thoughts later.. after I finish my final. After I finish one of my music papers.. and start on my outline thingy.. (more like find the article first... and after I finish workin' on my scarf. It's turning out GREAT. its cute! For a white scarf at least.
Til' my return!
May the force be with you.
Til' my return!
May the force be with you.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Realize
I didn't realize it at the time, but my Big Brother taught be a very valuable lesson.
I remember the day that I was confirmed into the Catholic Faith. I cant say to this day that I made a very wise choice because I'm so lost about my faith right now. I love how the day of my accident everyone was so nice, so caring.. and one of my friends from a very long time ago, probably when I was a Junior in high school texted me saying that he hoped that I was doing okay and that he'd pray for me.
Who does that? Especially in this age of sex and drinking. Who remembers God anymore? I'm not saying that it was a bad thing that he cared enough for him to pray for me but I haven't heard that phrase in such a long time. "I'll pray for you." Think about it.
Anyway back to Confirmation. For my confirmation present, he gave me this little quote thing that was framed and all from Hallmark. The quotation reads "In the seed is an apple you cant yet see." and there's the word HOPE all around it on the borders. I love how it fit so much at the time he gave this to me. Guess what I'm trying to say that the lesson he was trying to get at me was that not to give up hope. Because everything starts out small and will grow into something big later on.
The months leading up to my Confirmation were the hardest yet. I don't remember what exactly happened to me, but I was struggling. I was SO SO SO depressed. I don't know why. I just know I was so unhappy. I don't even remember getting out of it. I just know that BB was sad and that he needed me there. I guess you can say it distracted me but it was a good distraction because I never went back.
Though I'm not sucked into depression. I still need his guidance. He helped me so much and now, I just don't know what to do. I know I need to change for the better. I've been living like a ZOMBIE for the past couple of months when College started. I'm not trying as hard as I should be. I haven't put in my 110% on my assignments like I've been doing for the past 4 years. I would usually take hours on my hw and now I procrastinate so well that it only takes me 30 ish mintues to do my hw. I would try so hard to earn my grade. It took me forever to do my assignments and some may think I tried so hard for no reason. I don't care. I'm like that. That's me. I try and do my best when I'm doing anything. And lately... I haven't been doing that.
I don't know where my motivation is. My heart is in the wrong places. Well, at least it feels that way. I'm doing so much that I'm doing everything so blindly. I guess I just need time to sort everything out. Christmas break has to come at the most perfectly, absolutely, perfect time ever. Perfect time to reflect and figure out what I'm gonna do with myself. I need to plan my life out. Get a job. And go from there.
On a different note. I was watching Eloise in Christmastime on the Disney channel (instead of doing hw (: ) and its just one of those movies that make you want to have someone to love with you, right there, right then. And I don't know why I feel this way but I must say I am alone. No matter how much my friends can make me smile, I can't shake the fact that I want someone around. Maybe its the fact that I had someone halfway in the semester. But he wasn't that great. He didn't make me happy. If anything he made me miserable, at least when we weren't in public. I hate how when I was with him alone, I was happy and actually felt a little loved. But the moment his friends came into the picture or anything, I was suddenly invisible. That's gotta be the worst feeling ever. To feel invisible to the one you like and could have possibly loved.
I remember the day that I was confirmed into the Catholic Faith. I cant say to this day that I made a very wise choice because I'm so lost about my faith right now. I love how the day of my accident everyone was so nice, so caring.. and one of my friends from a very long time ago, probably when I was a Junior in high school texted me saying that he hoped that I was doing okay and that he'd pray for me.
Who does that? Especially in this age of sex and drinking. Who remembers God anymore? I'm not saying that it was a bad thing that he cared enough for him to pray for me but I haven't heard that phrase in such a long time. "I'll pray for you." Think about it.
Anyway back to Confirmation. For my confirmation present, he gave me this little quote thing that was framed and all from Hallmark. The quotation reads "In the seed is an apple you cant yet see." and there's the word HOPE all around it on the borders. I love how it fit so much at the time he gave this to me. Guess what I'm trying to say that the lesson he was trying to get at me was that not to give up hope. Because everything starts out small and will grow into something big later on.
The months leading up to my Confirmation were the hardest yet. I don't remember what exactly happened to me, but I was struggling. I was SO SO SO depressed. I don't know why. I just know I was so unhappy. I don't even remember getting out of it. I just know that BB was sad and that he needed me there. I guess you can say it distracted me but it was a good distraction because I never went back.
Though I'm not sucked into depression. I still need his guidance. He helped me so much and now, I just don't know what to do. I know I need to change for the better. I've been living like a ZOMBIE for the past couple of months when College started. I'm not trying as hard as I should be. I haven't put in my 110% on my assignments like I've been doing for the past 4 years. I would usually take hours on my hw and now I procrastinate so well that it only takes me 30 ish mintues to do my hw. I would try so hard to earn my grade. It took me forever to do my assignments and some may think I tried so hard for no reason. I don't care. I'm like that. That's me. I try and do my best when I'm doing anything. And lately... I haven't been doing that.
I don't know where my motivation is. My heart is in the wrong places. Well, at least it feels that way. I'm doing so much that I'm doing everything so blindly. I guess I just need time to sort everything out. Christmas break has to come at the most perfectly, absolutely, perfect time ever. Perfect time to reflect and figure out what I'm gonna do with myself. I need to plan my life out. Get a job. And go from there.
On a different note. I was watching Eloise in Christmastime on the Disney channel (instead of doing hw (: ) and its just one of those movies that make you want to have someone to love with you, right there, right then. And I don't know why I feel this way but I must say I am alone. No matter how much my friends can make me smile, I can't shake the fact that I want someone around. Maybe its the fact that I had someone halfway in the semester. But he wasn't that great. He didn't make me happy. If anything he made me miserable, at least when we weren't in public. I hate how when I was with him alone, I was happy and actually felt a little loved. But the moment his friends came into the picture or anything, I was suddenly invisible. That's gotta be the worst feeling ever. To feel invisible to the one you like and could have possibly loved.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Project Change. (yesterday's post that i never got to finish..)
Another Saturday. Slept super early. 12 hours of sleep.
I got lectured by my father today. I guess I needed it badly. It made me cry.
I needed to cry. Man, I sound so choppy today. My fingers are fairly frozen and my mind is everywhere. I need to Study. I REALLY NEED TO STUDY. But my mind.. is elsewhere right now. I'm not in the right state of mind to study. Even though I really need to. I could just go over my notes and be done with it, but no. I'm rewriting my notes, redoing my hw, looking over past exams and quizes, going through the book. I need to PASS WITH AT LEAST A C or B. I love how I put C first. I'm not exactly expecting to do EXTRAORDINARILY well on my Stats exam.
Anyway, back to the lecture. I cant pick out exactly what he said. But he said I needed to change. I know it. I've just been avoiding the house. I admit it. I don't know what I do there half the time either. I could very well go home. He provides.
So they're not fixing my car until I change. Well.. they're fixing the car but I have to change. I can tell you all that I HAVE changed.
I got lectured by my father today. I guess I needed it badly. It made me cry.
I needed to cry. Man, I sound so choppy today. My fingers are fairly frozen and my mind is everywhere. I need to Study. I REALLY NEED TO STUDY. But my mind.. is elsewhere right now. I'm not in the right state of mind to study. Even though I really need to. I could just go over my notes and be done with it, but no. I'm rewriting my notes, redoing my hw, looking over past exams and quizes, going through the book. I need to PASS WITH AT LEAST A C or B. I love how I put C first. I'm not exactly expecting to do EXTRAORDINARILY well on my Stats exam.
Anyway, back to the lecture. I cant pick out exactly what he said. But he said I needed to change. I know it. I've just been avoiding the house. I admit it. I don't know what I do there half the time either. I could very well go home. He provides.
So they're not fixing my car until I change. Well.. they're fixing the car but I have to change. I can tell you all that I HAVE changed.
Friday, December 11, 2009
The Worst Week EVER..
Its been a whole week. A WHOLE FREAKING WEEK. I must've done something wrong for me to get all this bad luck. I swear. The best day that I can think of is Tuesday Night when me and Drew stayed in the TSU and worked on stuff til like 1:30.
There were a lot of distractions that night. I really couldn't/didn't get anything done that night, but likewise, it was a very good night to spend with my best friend :D I don't really remember what happened on Monday but I know that on WEDNESDAY. I got in my first car accident.. EVER. I was my fault of course, I wasnt tired. I guess, I was lost in thoughts. I was afraid this was gonna happen some day. I'd be so lost in my thoughts that I wouldn't be able to drive safely. I should've waited.. cried it out or something. I am under so much pressure, its ridiculous.
There were a lot of distractions that night. I really couldn't/didn't get anything done that night, but likewise, it was a very good night to spend with my best friend :D I don't really remember what happened on Monday but I know that on WEDNESDAY. I got in my first car accident.. EVER. I was my fault of course, I wasnt tired. I guess, I was lost in thoughts. I was afraid this was gonna happen some day. I'd be so lost in my thoughts that I wouldn't be able to drive safely. I should've waited.. cried it out or something. I am under so much pressure, its ridiculous.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Bun's in the Oven
NOT TALKING ABOUT ME of course! Its my baby girl Claire . She's having a baby girl of her own soon. February is the month when she's due.
INTENSE. The baby shower is taking place sometime in Dec. Time to catch up and to help C out a little with the financial deal. I was so excited when I got the invite, I think i literally jumped up when I saw the invite on Facebook. I would be excited about that huh? I have too much to do and too little time to do it ):
As of now I am deciding whether or not to go to the VSA meeting.. or to go to Taco Tuesday with the boys. Then there's hiphop class today and I don't know if I wanna go. I love it. But today I'm just not feeling it. ): it SUCKS a lot. I came to the TSU to study and I ended up going on Facebook and Twitter the whole time. I fail at life. I cannot concentrate. UGh I hate this. Obviously I can't concentrate.. ever.
INTENSE. The baby shower is taking place sometime in Dec. Time to catch up and to help C out a little with the financial deal. I was so excited when I got the invite, I think i literally jumped up when I saw the invite on Facebook. I would be excited about that huh? I have too much to do and too little time to do it ):
As of now I am deciding whether or not to go to the VSA meeting.. or to go to Taco Tuesday with the boys. Then there's hiphop class today and I don't know if I wanna go. I love it. But today I'm just not feeling it. ): it SUCKS a lot. I came to the TSU to study and I ended up going on Facebook and Twitter the whole time. I fail at life. I cannot concentrate. UGh I hate this. Obviously I can't concentrate.. ever.
Lately pt 2
So continuing with Tuesday... I got to A’s house late. I was supposed to be there at 7am but I ended up getting there around 11? 11:30 He wasn’t even ready when I got there! I thought we were going to go right when I got there! He said we’d get a bite to eat and then off to UCI we go! Naw he was still in his jammies.. PLAYING WARCRAFT 3! Haha I thought it was pretty cute. He said he just started. Only I would say that someone playing WC3 is cute. Hahah what can I say? I grew up playing it! I’m a Gamer Girl (: I’m just not very good at games unfortunately. It’s not like I have time to PRACTICE my skills like everyone else does, nor does it come naturally (yes, I have to practice to get better at things).
Then well I ended up watching him play WC3. The sad part was.. well he was playing Campaign mode and I’ve already played it so I know the story line. It’s so funny cuz I play with cheats so that things will go faster (I like the story behind the game) and there he was.. without cheats. LOL it took forever for him to finish one quest! Then I noticed that he had just installed it and I was like LETS HAVE A LAN PARTY!! I HAVE MY LAPTOP! And he was like GO GET IT! Hahha so after 30 or so min of watching him, I ended up installing WC3 onto my laptop.
Then I spent the next 30 min playing myself and I had to force him to get ready. He still had to shower and stuff. After he was all done, his mom came home and asked us to stop by Costco for her. YAY for lagging. She needed us to get napkins and pie. We ended up getting lunch there and A was so surprised that lunch was only THREE DOLLARS. Haha yes A, Costco is that cheap and GOOD too!
Finally after dropping the stuff off at his house, we were finally on our way to UCI and it was around 2? LOL if I hadn’t slept in we’d probably be there around noon. Oh well. I still got to visit H Dizzle and Rayray. So it’s all good. It’s funny how Rayray lives in MIDDLE EARTH. Way to go UCI Housing. Name the area after a Lord of the Rings place why don’t you? GOD THATS HILARIOUS. The embarrassing part is that I think I would have liked to live in Middle Earth. 1. I am a LOTR fan! 2. Uhhh I’m amused by its name 3. It’s HELLA FUNNY. The only downside of living there is that there’s weird people.. I can see why. I mean.. MIDDLE EARTH thats just screaming out to the geeks/nerds/losers to live there. Haha no offense to me or to LOTR fans it just that some things like that attract weird people. I AM NOT one of those weird people... I’m quite sure of it.
Anyway.. well we had to cut our UCI trip short because David needed us to watch Willy while he was at the doctors. So we picked Willy up and we went to Aaron’s house. Chilled there for a bit. We must’ve been driving around a lot because by the time we got to A’s house, it was almost time to go already. Then it was decided for us to meet at Drew’s house. It was quite sad because Drew’s mom was getting mad that he was going out again. OH well.
Thank God he rode with me on the way to the game. I would’ve died in traffic! We had dinner at Rubio’s because it was TACO TUESDAY! (: haha the people spelled my name right this time! HELL YEAH! I love Rubio’s. I don’t know what it is.. but they got me hooked on Rubio’s Fish Tacos!
After dinner, we headed off to the game. IT WAS AN EPIC GAME! 84-73? OR something against New Mexico State. Yeah.. my dad called during the game and basically killed my mood. He was upset that I was at the game because “I wasn’t supposed to be there”. I don’t know why I wasn’t supposed/couldn’t go.. It’s nothing bad. Whatever. IDGAF daddy.. I WENT ANYWAY! I’m a bad girl... lol oh well. For real man.
Then well I ended up watching him play WC3. The sad part was.. well he was playing Campaign mode and I’ve already played it so I know the story line. It’s so funny cuz I play with cheats so that things will go faster (I like the story behind the game) and there he was.. without cheats. LOL it took forever for him to finish one quest! Then I noticed that he had just installed it and I was like LETS HAVE A LAN PARTY!! I HAVE MY LAPTOP! And he was like GO GET IT! Hahha so after 30 or so min of watching him, I ended up installing WC3 onto my laptop.
Then I spent the next 30 min playing myself and I had to force him to get ready. He still had to shower and stuff. After he was all done, his mom came home and asked us to stop by Costco for her. YAY for lagging. She needed us to get napkins and pie. We ended up getting lunch there and A was so surprised that lunch was only THREE DOLLARS. Haha yes A, Costco is that cheap and GOOD too!
Finally after dropping the stuff off at his house, we were finally on our way to UCI and it was around 2? LOL if I hadn’t slept in we’d probably be there around noon. Oh well. I still got to visit H Dizzle and Rayray. So it’s all good. It’s funny how Rayray lives in MIDDLE EARTH. Way to go UCI Housing. Name the area after a Lord of the Rings place why don’t you? GOD THATS HILARIOUS. The embarrassing part is that I think I would have liked to live in Middle Earth. 1. I am a LOTR fan! 2. Uhhh I’m amused by its name 3. It’s HELLA FUNNY. The only downside of living there is that there’s weird people.. I can see why. I mean.. MIDDLE EARTH thats just screaming out to the geeks/nerds/losers to live there. Haha no offense to me or to LOTR fans it just that some things like that attract weird people. I AM NOT one of those weird people... I’m quite sure of it.
Anyway.. well we had to cut our UCI trip short because David needed us to watch Willy while he was at the doctors. So we picked Willy up and we went to Aaron’s house. Chilled there for a bit. We must’ve been driving around a lot because by the time we got to A’s house, it was almost time to go already. Then it was decided for us to meet at Drew’s house. It was quite sad because Drew’s mom was getting mad that he was going out again. OH well.
Thank God he rode with me on the way to the game. I would’ve died in traffic! We had dinner at Rubio’s because it was TACO TUESDAY! (: haha the people spelled my name right this time! HELL YEAH! I love Rubio’s. I don’t know what it is.. but they got me hooked on Rubio’s Fish Tacos!
After dinner, we headed off to the game. IT WAS AN EPIC GAME! 84-73? OR something against New Mexico State. Yeah.. my dad called during the game and basically killed my mood. He was upset that I was at the game because “I wasn’t supposed to be there”. I don’t know why I wasn’t supposed/couldn’t go.. It’s nothing bad. Whatever. IDGAF daddy.. I WENT ANYWAY! I’m a bad girl... lol oh well. For real man.
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